Conversation in Bed
One of these days, I shall be gone from this place.
The chilled mornings, the scent of northeastern air, the myriad qualities of the leaves. All this will be behind me. As I look over my shoulder, one last time, I can’t help but be reminded of the people that make the world great.
The married couple who are sex-positive and wonderful. The intellectuals who brave the snow and ice for a last cigarette. The students, their minds so young, who only wish to seek the greatest heights of learning and love.
But there are also the others. The dimwitted masses, striving to grab a chunk of the American dream for themselves. The itinerants, souls with no home, who dream of the unattainable. The gutter men, down on their luck for their entire lives.
“Families are always rising and falling in America, huh?”
“Suppose so.”
“Remember the conversations we had? We explored the entirety of human learning in an afternoon, then forged ahead on our own addled paths. We Lived. We Fought. We Died. All in the space of a cigarette’s breath.”
“I love you.”
“Love is meaningless in a loveless world.”
She turned over and quickly went to sleep.
· cigarettes, conversations · Posted 7 June 2010, 22:28 ·
Sunday 4:00 am
mood: ...
Sunday morning. 4:00 am. The spring rains are beating down the world outside, and the sound of the fan is ever present. It struggles against the breeze, trying as hard as it can to pull the cool air inside, cool down this ingot of heat and steam.
Full of hot air in here.
Rent lies unpaid, two months late. Bills come like letters from ex girlfriends, their pleas unread. Perhaps someday we can live this bourgeois dream, but not today. Not at 4:00 am on a Sunday morning, when thunderstorms rend the dark.
This siberian exile is quickly turning out to be too muggy. Lots of flies, swamp water, stagnant and reeking. Treading water, not exactly keeping my head above the surface, but at least not drowning. There are no life preservers in this lagoon.
Perhaps a change of scenery is in order?
Maybe it’s too early to settle down and start a family. Maybe the great maguffin up in the sky is telling me to abandon this bourgeois nightmare for a while, try something else, get out of my ‘comfort zone.’ What else is there?
Wandering minstrels, vagabonds, traveling mushroom circuses. They’re doing it. They’re roaming the country, living within the Code. But they’re searching for themselves. They’re trying to recapture the lost art of the bohemian, the elusive and vaporous cigarette smoke that marks the passing of time. Another spent life. Another bum on the curb. This is not society.
But, how do you reconcile society, in its greatest sense, with the wandering vagabond? Can they only exist as two ideals, separated by time and place? Can a bridge be built? Or does one have to push themselves into it with all of their soul, consuming it and re-birthing it a hundred times, until they find a home? You can either have one, or the other (at a time), but try for both and you’ll be rent in two.
4:00 am on a Sunday morning, but it could be any time and date, any place. Any weather. The days flow into each other like dull mercury, sliding down wrinkles in my hands and spreading silver drops on the floor. This is what life is like without purpose. Without a firm schedule of striving, for either the bourgeois dream or another. This is treading water, through a swamp. And it’s so dark in this lagoon.
· bourgeois nightmare, cigarettes, frustrations, great siberian exile · Posted 6 June 2010, 04:39 ·
Go bag, go!
mood: productive · working on: organizing my life
This is a list of things I should carry on my person at all times. From this list I’ll devise a schema, then execute. I currently carry:
- Phone
- Keys
- Lighter
- Wallet
- Cigarettes (sometimes)
I should expand this list, so I’m adapting my laptop bag into a go bag .
Things I should also carry on my person:
- iTouch (for productivity, phone book/contacts, mobile email + calendar stuff, etc)
- DS for gaming (yeah? yeah? I needs to play more vidjigames)
- Rolling papers and tobacco (higher quality than cigarettes, cheaper price)
Things I should carry in my go bag:
- Matches
- Pipe, tobacco, pipe tool, pipe cleaners
- Laptop and charger
- Small paperback book / comic / reading shits
Did I miss anything?
· go bag, lifehacking · Posted 29 May 2010, 03:18 ·
